JOKEs and other funny stuff
How'd you get that black eye?
First man: How'd you get that black eye?
Second man: I called some woman a two-bit whore.
First man: She punched you?
Second man: Nope. She hit me with her bag of quarters.
...
Hunting buffalos
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffal...
I almost got caught by the boss
These two construction workers always noticed that their boss always left
early on Fridays. So one asked the other that if the boss left early next
Friday if he would want to also. The other man agreed. Sure enough, when
Friday came, the boss left...
I can hear just fine!
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked, "Windy isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
...
I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5am
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the
habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?", the pal asks.
"Waiting for me to get home."
...
I do not remember:
A father came in the bedroom to find his 16-year-old daughter smoking
a cigarette. "My God! How long have you been smoking?" screams the
father.
"Since I lost my virginity," replies the girl.
"You lost your VIRGINITY!!! When the hell did this hap...
I feel insulted
A lady with her baby is sitting in a bus beside the driver... "What an ugly baby!", said the driver to the lady.
Feeling insulted, she moved to another seat and murmurred a few things under her breathe. The man next to her asked, "What happened?"
...
i have a problem with my ear
A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "I have a problem with my dick!"
The lady at the counter says, "Sir, we do not say words like that at the doctors office! Now leave and come back and replace "Dick" with some other body part like "Ear."...
I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary.
Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is
having an affair with his secretary."
"I don't believe it for one minute !" Marie snapped."You're just saying that to make me j...
I like the way you think
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" ...
1234567891011121314151617181920212223242526272829303132333435363738394041424344454647484950515253545556575859606162
