Rules For Guests In My House ...
Dont you just hate those guests who come to your house and head straight for the fridge like the key to the couch is hidden there? Welcome to the world of ill-mannered guests. The guests who pick thier nose then immediately grab the remote with that same hand. Guests who don't know bedrooms are private.
Well these are just a few guidelines for guests in my house now because I have had it with ill-mannered guests.
1) When I say feel at home, am not being kind. Am simply reminding you that THIS is NOT your home. So dont sit on my toaster or blow your nose with my kitchen cloth.
2) Unless you find a fridge at the supermarket pushing a trolley to stock itself up, dont assume mine stocks itself. Stay away from it UNLESS I requested that you help yourself.
3) My house is not a parking lot for bored souls. I hate it when people come into my house simply because they are bored. Am not a clown to entertain you.
4) My toilet is big but I dont think its big enough to clean itself yet. So when you use my toilet DONT LEAVE EVIDENCE BEHIND.
5) Borrowing household essentials is very annoying. Sugar, salt and other stuff. The first day I'll give you. The second day I'll sell it to you.
6) The couch may be comfortable but if you sleep on it dont you dare fart! If I could, I'd save it in a glass till you wake up so that we can sit down and revise your earlier activities.
7) You can enter my house with muddy shoes. Yap I said it. Am that understanding. But for the period that you will be in my house, you will have to walk on your hands and sit on your head.
So I think we are in an understanding with anyone who visits me. Just one more thing. If you are planning to stay in my house for more than three days, you are required to carry the birth certificate proving that I once lived in your (or your wife's) womb for nine months.
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