Before you watch those mexican soaps ...
For some reason, a trio of ladies decided to give me a lesson on how to treat women like ladies the other day. I figured they must have skipped reading my ROMANCE AINT DEAD article. They proceeded to tell me to become some Alejandro - as they are called on those mexican soaps. I was ok listening to the lesson. I was ok when they bombarded me with a lesson they were sure I skipped in school. Hell, I was even OK (as much as I protested) when they suggested men should try and cry sometimes to at least show some emotion. Well, until they mentioned Mexico.
Mexico is the ass of the world. Literary. You rob a bank and run off to mexico. You kill for no reason and run off to mexico. You burn your neighbors house and run off to Mexico. Not to mention its the only country in the world without a drug problem (largely because everyone has it, grows it, sells it or knows someone who does). Now tell me. How can such a country be the benchmark for LOVE? Seriously!
If you ask me, I would say "Alejandro" was a fellow nick-named "Mighty Alex" and member of a criminal gang in America who raped little girls before strangling them to death. He then got arrested, turned in queen's evidence to help police arrest his collegues and got placed in Mexico under witness protection programme! There, he got a job to act in some soap (Storm Over Cuando Camilla de Jardinero) written by another distraught and heartbroken American named Loius (though she is now called Louisa). She was married to a drunkard from Texas and on receiving no L.O.V.E from the husband, She killed him in rage and run to Mexico to avoid arrest where she found solace in writing very UNREALISTIC love stories.
Now Alejandro's lover (who we will call Maria De la Vega) was once named Ashley Timpson. She was obviously busted for drug trafficking at JF Kennedy international airport in New York by airport security. After being "under controlled and very well monitored egestion activities" (Ok! Just read it as "having her shit monitored") she produced twenty healthy offspring from her rear end- only the offspring were actually stones of cocaine. She got out on bail, jumped the bail and fled to Mexico and is now acting as Alejandro's lover on Storm Over Cuando Camilla de Jardinero, Kenya's most watched soap opera!
The Executive producer is a Mafia boss who uses film-production to cover up his criminal activities which include drug trafficking, extortion, kidnapping (and thats only during the day) and other activities.
The director is his aging father, now a retired drug baron.
But who are the audience? Very attentive Kenyan ladies (including my three friends) telling Kenyan men to behave like Mighty Alex!
Well, were it not for the fact that they are my friends (and we were in a mat, and I was outnumbered three to one, and they were women, and you cant win an argument against a woman, leave alone three) the discussion would not have ended with the smiles I saw on their faces at the end of it all. That is after I had to escort each of them to their homes as the final examination to their lesson.