R.I.P Mututho Law
Mututho law was suspended by the law courts yesterday. In drunken-speak, thats simply means he was told to go screw himself. And in polite teetotaler language, he was told to kindly go have intercourse without involving a second party. And so as a result, Kenyan yesterday went on a drinking spree called "Pamoja Tuchekelee Mututho."
I was doing all my laughing in the Karen neighborhood (and collected an accent too) with friends. And as a result my head now weighs thrice as much as it weighed before yesterday night. And while Kenyans were celebrating their victory over their enemies both real and imagined, our wonderful football team continued their ALL-BEATEN-RUN by being hammered, thumped and torn apart by Egypt in a match that ended 5-1. Am predicting their all-beaten run will go on all season.
Anyway, back to Mututho. If I was to choose the best punishment for him for coming up with a retarded bill like that one, I would want him to reincarnate as a returnable beer bottle that is fortunate enough to never break. That way he will always end up being filled with beer over and over again all his life. And he would travel to all parts of the country to spread the drunkardness. He would be drank by underage students, cheating husbands and wayward wives. Who knows, he might even be lucky to have his wife and children drink beer off of him! Pamoja Tuchelee Mututho.
On a serious note however, the alcohol bill was a noble bill with zero chance of survival in this country. It was well thought out but as usual, the government failed in its implementation. It is more like a farmer who plants seeds one week and comes to harvest the next. And on getting to the farm, he gets annoyed by the workers insistence that the plants are not ready for harvesting.
But in the course of my drinking spree in Karen and sharing Oxygen with the rich people of this country, a few things crossed my Mind. All years before yesterday were referred to as either BC or AD. But not anymore. We will now have BC (Before Christ), AD (Anno Domini) and AM (After Mututho).
For now, may the Mututho Law rest in peace and I suggest its Epitaph to have the Message, "Alcohol Kills. Especially if you try to stop it."
