Admission to Hague - (Form FQ U 2)
Welcome to Hague. By filling in this admission form, you are admitting to all your crimes both real and imagined. Thats why its called an admission form. Further, you are admitting that you deserve to be punished to the full length of the law without considerations of your tribe or financial might.
1. Your Name: Mr/Mrs/Murderer/Arsonist .....
2. IQ: (Values more than 0 are not allowed) ....
3. Lawyer's number: (+666) ......
4. People murdered to date: ......
5. Preferred Jail block ... Cell no ...
6. Years survived without brain (Minimum allowed number is your age) .......
For each of the following questions, please select one option:
7. If found guilty (which is most probable) how would you want to be punished?
a) Cutting off big head using big guillotine
b) Cutting off small head using smaller guillotine
c) Smelting balls at insane temperatures
d) Letting dogs feed on balls from source
e) All the above
(If none is chosen above, the default answer is assumed to be 'e')
8. How would you like to be transported to the Hague?
a) With balls in your mouth
b) With mouth in your balls
c) With no balls and no mouth
d) With balls and mouth in switched positions
9. Other than mental damage and stupidity, do you have any other medical problems?
10. Regarding question above, are you ready to add high blood pressure, malnutrition and trauma from sexual assault by fellow inmates?
[yes] [definitely] [very ready]
11. Do you have anyone in your life who will miss you when you are gone?
12. Regarding question above, Do you think we care?
13. Do you know God?
14. Regarding question above, Does he know you?
[no] [hell no]
I ............ (in case u forget your name just write murderer) ... solemnly swear that the information given above is true to the best of my knowledge. I feel like hell would be a better option right now.
Signed ........ Date ........
HAGUE will not be responsible for any reputations lost or ruined during the trial. Persons released from Hague due to insufficient evidence are advised to celebrate by jumping off Times tower.
For politicians who need to download the form, please click here