I need a wife like a flash disk
After realizing everyone keeps telling me I need a woman in my life, I think I need a technologically manufactured one. One who will most likely be plug and play just like a flash disk. I plug her into my life (computer) and my life automatically detects what kind of devices she needs to work perfectly and suit my life! Whats more? It will tell me when she is ready for use!
Life would be so good am telling you. All I need to do is install the best antivirus and I will know if she's been plugged into another machine with a virus! That way, I wont get these dreaded viral diseases! And to show you just how convenient this is, if she gets old and I start suspecting she may break down, I just back-up IMPORTANT information and buy a cuter smaller flashier flash disk with more memory and voila! Am back in business.
And thats not even the best part! I can feed her alot of crap without worrying she will grow overweight coz these things are bright am telling you. They know when they are full and stop chewing and saving (read swallowing) more stuff. That way, I dont have to worry that I married a figure eight who now looks more or less like like figure zero with a number eleven attached to the base!
Whats more, If am talking to her (read saving data) and I -like most men- say something stupid (a typo), I can just undo and save and she wont remember a thing! And I can repeat the same mistake over and over again without worrying because I can correct it with the click of a button and not with flowers, chocolate and weeks of bedroom sanctions.
Life would indeed be great if women were computers too. If she doesnt produce sound ( ie refuses to talk to me for no reason ) I can go to help and support and some wizard will help me solve the problem. I can get the missing sound drivers online and she will be producing sound again!
Not to mention I can also uninstall the sound drivers when she produces too much sound! Handy I tell you!
The best part of it would be, talking to her would be like browsing the net. I can use pop-up blocker to stop her emotions from popping out when I watch games online, use passwords to access sensitive information which I make sure others cant see and a hell lot more.
And when she reminds me of a mistake I did THREE YEARS AGO I can also Google her past mistakes and remind her of them too!
Oh how wonderful life would be. Oh how I wish!