Kenyans and Bargaining
I blame it on markets. The bargaining problem I mean. Markets are the place where the bargaining disease in Kenya was born. Now its everywhere. Shops, bus terminus, clothing outlets, stalls, name it.
And soon it will go out of control and may soon even hit our airlines. I was imagining of a Kenyan who wants to fly out of the country in the near future. Say to Germany.
Here is what I imagined the conversation between him and the airline personnel would be like.
Operator: Thank you for calling Kenya Airways. How may I help you?
Kenyan: Hallo. Germany ni pesa ngapi?
Operator: That will be Ksh 55,000 one-way.
Kenyan: Lakini si hiyo ni bei ya kuongea?
Operator: Am afraid the price is fixed.
Kenyan: Na nikishukia France nitembee hapo pengine?
Operator: Sir, the price for the flight is fixed.
Kenyan: Hata nikasimama?
Operator: That is not allowed on the flight sir.
Kenyan: Haya basi, nitakaa kwa shimo yenye iko katikati ya viti. Hiyo ni pesa ngapi?
Operator: Sir, I said the price for the flight is fixed.
Kenyan: Ai? Wacha nipigie Juma.
Operator: Who is Juma sir.
Kenyan: He is my relative. You see my grandfather had three wives. So Juma is the son to the brother of my sister's cousin from the second wife of the brother of my grandfather. Anafanya kazi huko kwenu. Am sure ataongea na wewe mnibebe sare.
Operator: Am afraid that will not be possible sir.
Kenyan: Haiya. Na wewe ni mgumu? Na mzigo je?
Operator: We allow 25 kgs carry-on luggage per passenger sir.
Kenyan: I have about kilo mia moja.
Operator: We will charge you Ksh 500 per extra kilo.
Kenyan: Si nitajishikia? Ni gunia moja tu. Nitashikia hapo nyuma ya pilot.
Operator: Am afraid only hand luggage is allowed sir.
Kenyan: Jesus! Nyinyi watu mnatunyanyasa. Ninaomba serikali iangalie hii mambo. Ok. Wacha nitalipa hiyo pesa.
Operator: Thank you.
Kenyan: Oh! Just one more thing. Naenda na Jane, mtoto wa sister yangu. Huyo si naweza kumshika tu?
Operator: How old is she sir?
Kenyan: Ni mtoto. She is only sixteen.
Operator: Am afraid that will be an additional ticket sir.
Kenyan: What do you mean another ticket? Mtoto. Lakini si ni half price kwa sababu ni mtoto eh?
Operator: No sir. She will pay the same rate as an adult sir.
Kenyan: Ai? Ksh 110,000. Hiyo ni mingi sana. Kwani ni plot nanunua? Ai? Hapana. Wacha twende na Meli.
Have a bargain-free day, wont you?