Kenya Budget 2011
The minister for Finance yesterday presented the budgetary estimates to parliament. In a budget that was hailed by many as pro-poor (or professionally poor is you like) the Minister outlined key measure to be put in place this year to increase economic growth. Key among them were the following.
1) The governement has noted that the number of students who are failing examinations has steadily risen especially in institutions of higher learning. Students can however rejoice because paying attention will now be easier after the government made it tax-free.
2) The government has also noted that the cost of living has continued its upward trend. This has been brought about by high demand for living and a very low demand for dying. To alleviate the situation, the government has zero-rated the cost of dying in a bid to increase demand for dying and in turn reduce the demand for living.
3) In agriculture, the Minister observed the revenue brought in by agricultural produce from the large tracks of land owned politicians had risen. He urged them to boost production even more by growing coffee, growing tea, growing flowers and in particular, growing up.
4) To increase government revenue, the finance Minister proposed that pocket money for students be taxed under a new Pay As You Receive scheme.
5) The Minister allocated a million shillings to a task force to check on the causes of the high rate of inflation. He hopes this will finally find the reason why inflation rate is so high considering air is free and readily available.
6) To encourage development in society, the government will also start charging virgins yearly charges for their undeveloped property.
7) The Minister also observed that the high fuel prices were the reason why politicians continue to ride on Kenyans backs.
8) To boost foreign exchange, the government has urged Kenyan men to cheat in Uganda and encouraged their Ugandan counterparts to cheat in Kenya.
9) The government also waived duty on Maize, rice and wheat imports to give a reknowned maize thief the opportunity to diversify and grow his business.
10) In conclusion, the Finance Minister wished all Kenyans success in their business endevours. At this point, 10% of the MPs stamped their feet and cheered and unfortunately woke up the remaining 90%.