Witchdoctors - Exactly how do they work?
So they claim to help find lost people, help you find love, cure impotence and a myriad of problems that science has yet to even scratch the surface of? Well, thats Waganga made in Kenya for you. And yes, they are Kenyan. For all that hogwash about them being Tanzanian is just that. Hogwash. Otherwise how do you explain a Tanzanian who speaks swahili with a heavy Nyeri accent . Unless of course wind pollination carried pollen grains from the balls of a Nyeri guy and dropped the seeds right into the uterus of an unsuspecting Tanzanian woman. And for that to happen the woman must have had a serious problem of civil war between her body organs that made her brain to order her right and left legs to be kept permanently apart.
I happened to see one yesterday that I had met on a Bus Ride to Mombasa back in 2008. He did not remember me but I remembered him very well. His name? Daktari Mohammed wa Babu aka Waweru from Nyeri who tried to sell us "Mandawa sa Kienyenji" just to give you a clue of his accent. So I introduced myself and reminded him where we met. He remembered me and broke into laughter more so because I made his life a living hell that day with questions he could not answer. The lies they peddle, the many innocent animals they kill to fool the clients. If anything, I think they are the motivation behind Angry Birds for all the innocent chicken they kill and help Kiwi make more profits by soiling people's shoes with blood if what I see on TV is anything to go by.
I ask myself these questions every day I see a funny looking plyboard with an advert of a Mganga from Tanzania who seems to solve all problems in the world except global warming (they are working on a solution to this too) and the high sugar prices. Like exactly how do they help you find a missing person. Using foursquare? Google maps perhaps? Others I guess are easy to cure. Like Impotence is easy. You just give the patient a Viagra laced green juice and tell them to drink it an hour before bed each day and the results will be awesome. And when they exhaust their supply and it stops working, blame it on a cheating spouse or the stranger they accepted on Facebook. They'll believe you. But others require a special retard to sell to. Like marital bliss. Because the only sure way to avoid marital headaches is doing away with marriages all together.
So I posed a few questions to my dear friend Daktari Mohammed wa Babu about these solutions yesterday as well and all he did was dodge them and on further probing, that is when he told me his name is Waweru from Nyeri but people would not take him seriously if he said he was Doctor Waweru from Nyeri. The fella however still insisted his trade was indeed NOT a con and that magic works wonders.
Of course the stereotype Western world witch on a broom is fun to watch in movies as they chase Harry Porter. And of course the nice jokes that witches dont wear panties to ensure they can properly "grip" the broom handle with the lips of the Enchanted Southern Kingdom- if you catch my drift. However, the claims these Kenyan magicians make just go to point out how ignorant most of our countrymen still are.
Because unless one of these so called magical doctors goes to parliament and turns all the politicians in there into old underpants with holes in the rear, as far as I am concerned, they are all frauds.