Babies Babies Babies ...
I wish babies came with upgrades, you know, such that babies born this year come with a better operating system than last year. Just like phones and computers. I dont know about you but in my opinion, babies are born with very hostile software and come without a user manual. But if babies were to get an operating system upgrade, I would suggest these changes.
1) Delete the current crying.mp3 file. That piece is very annoying. The file can be replaced with kigeugeu.mp3 and which can be changed according to user preferences. The system should however reject all Justin Beiber's music.
2) Introduce a wizard for diagnostics. That way, you can select the problem and read through solutions through a help centre. That Help and Support centre should however NOT be designed by microsoft if their's is anything to go by.
3) Introduce warning messages. I tell you those will DEFINITELY come in handy. For example, " The system has detected a corrupt file in stomach.rar and has initiated vomiting procedures. Press OK to continue. " ... That should give you enough time to turn the baby towards that annoying guest who has overstayed his welcome.
4) Introduce a shut down option or hibernate mode for times when they just wont rest. It is pretty annoying that when you are bored in the afternoon, the baby does NOT want to play but at three in the morning, he cannot get enough of your Brrrrrs and Gagabubus.
5) Have an option for adding users. The fact that Julie went to school upcountry for three months doesn't mean baby should deny her access using crying.mp3 whenever she tries to hold baby.
6) Introduce a control panel for adding and removing programs. That will help remove the old Mboch 1.0 and replace it with the new Nanny 3.0 which comes with the newest apple products including iClean, iCook and iScrewHusband.
7) A full ENGLISH user manual which can be downloaded in any other language online. It should also be searchable so that you can search what the baby means when he says gigibubu (which by the way means mum screwed the gardener.)
8) Automatic updates would also be a valuable addition so that the operating system can remain in good working order and with the latest security upgrades. You may have to restart the baby after every upgrade.
9) One more annoying thing to change. Replace the current antivirus. It is very annoying. You hold the baby for ten minutes and the infant is busy smiling and watering your face with drool as you pretend to hide your disgust, then suddenly, it detects you as a virus and starts screaming using the crying.mp3 file - which as I said should be replaced with kigeugeu.mp3.
10) Introduce a garbage bin. For shit files.
That should make babies user friendly. Or what do you think?
