I have been hearing voices
I’ve been hearing voices. “Yes, I know, stop talking! I’m trying to write about you” Judging from recent occurrences, there could be only two explanations as to why this (the voices) has been happening to me and only me, i.e. unless, you too have been hearing them!
Explanation 1:
I am headed to the loony bin because after many years of learning 70% irrelevancies in class, my brain has decided to acquire imaginary friends to keep it company.
Explanation 2:
Just like in the movie “What Women Want” starring Mel Gibson, maybe just maybe, I have acquired the gift to be able to vaguely understand “What Kenyans Want”.
I am going to go with explanation 2, because I would want to believe that my journey to fulfill my mission here on earth has just begun. So what do the voices say? Wel, that maybe, just maybe, we need mad men to run this country. That way, Kenyan’s will not be surprised when their leaders steal the ‘Free Education Money’, because it would probably be for an unselfish reason. After all, what are the chances of seeing a mad man drive a Passat? Maybe, just maybe, we need to start paying a different kind of tax.
It would be known as VAT, Value After Theft.
This tax would cushion Kenyan’s against any discomfort after their hard earned money had been stolen. The government would reimburse every Kenyan Ksh. 2 for every Ksh. 4 that was stolen. That would make everyone less cautious when electing their representatives. Maybe, just maybe, the Thika Super Highway needs to be rendered exclusive to our esteemed ‘Waheshimiwas’ and our ‘Watukufus’ so that, the next time they have travelled back from abroad, we can comfortably leave our work premises at 5pm and not be afraid to arrive home at 11pm due to ‘unforeseen’ circumstances.
Maybe, just maybe, we need to turn the Parliament into a Church, one just like the Vatican in Rome. So that it would become a tourist attraction. That way, with all the tourists and ‘Muzungus’ coming over, our ‘Waheshimiwas’ would try and behave in a civilized manner, for fear of embarrassing themselves. Similar to how children become well behaved when visitors are around.
Finally, I believe the MP’s too have been hearing voices. I’m not so sure though, that the voices they’ve been hearing, are the same as those that I’ve been hearing. Mainly because, after many years of watching them in parliament, it seems as though, they are fighting someone or something (probably the voices). They yell hysterically at one another, as if trying to drown the voices in their heads. They stomp their feet so loudly during an applause, it’s almost as if they are performing an exorcism ritual. They laugh so absurdly, as if the voices in their heads have finally had their way, for a few minutes, and want to make the best of it.
And finally, if they were hearing the same voices as I, they would at least dare to stop and listen to “What Kenyan’s Want”!
