Of Annoying Crows and Meri Mela
Whoever said birds sing beautifully forgot that crows and other big birds with bad voices are a part of the family. The smaller birds sound very good in the morning as they sing to their maker. Not crows. These ones sound like a remix of Bachete done by a drunk Bifwoli Wakoli and with some grunting pigs providing background vocals. Somehow, these crows believe waking up before five for some choir practice for "The Horrible Voices United Choir" is the best way to start your day. They are weed smokers I tell you. And they made my life hell during a short stay at the coast a few months back together with an equally annoying song called Meri Mela.
I know I will get in trouble with the many fans of Meri Mela but hear me out before you get the burdizzo and castrate poor old me before I get any (legitimate) children to leave on this earth.
A few months back I decided work was getting a little too much for me and I decided to go to the coast for a good two weeks to enjoy my hard earned cash. And while I always prefer to live in Nyali due to the serene atmosphere, this time around, I got an offer to be housed by a friend of mine right in the middle of Mombasa town. Being a (typical always ready to save at the slightest opportunity) Kenyan, I was not going to brush aside the idea of free accomodation. If anything, I jumped on it because it presented an opportunity for me to club and drink until my liver slapped me. And the house in question was a very spacious three bedroom apartment. Life I thought, would never get any better.
But that was not to be. Life was going on well except for a trend that I noticed after the very first three days. Opposite the apartment stood a huge tree. This huge tree housed (IMHO) a population of half the crows in Mombasa. These creatures were not seen or heard of during the day. Or early night for that matter. They were lurking in the shadows waiting for me to come staggering back way past midnight, get in bed and get a good grip of sleep. That is when the choir master waved his stick and the monsters belted out the worst collection of noises ever! And closing the windows did not seem to help when you consider houses at the coast are built with very good ventilation. Or simply put, BIG FUCKING HOLES that let fresh air in ... with ALL the NOISE!
What was worse was that the moment this choir finally got tired, the five music stalls just near the apartment opened and - you guessed it - took the mantle from where the crows had stopped. That was not the annoying thing. The annoying part was that Mombasa residents must have been told by the Municipal council of Mombasa that everyone must have a CD of some funny song (I later learnt it was called Meri Mela) in all their houses or risk kuekeleo Bonoko. And the procedure of buying was simple. You had to have the song played before you go home. And the result? The same song was playing over and over and over again by the five stores. All day, everyday for my entire stay there.
And when they finally closed in the evenings, and after I was done with the drinking, the freaking crows decided to usher in mornings with their own horrible rendition of Bachete.
So I hope you now see where am coming from. No matter how good the song might be (and I still dont think I can use the word good on it) I can never like it. My mind was poisoned against it for two whole weeks. Not to I could not leave the apartment for alternative accommodation. My friend would have taken offence if I opted to go stay in a hotel after his generous hospitality. I had to shut up and suck up to the annoying singing of the crows and the sounds of Meri Mela. For two freaking long weeks.
Predictably, when my time came to come back to Nairobi, I was the happiest man. I ran to the airport in an attempt to flee from the hell I had been in. But I dont think Jetlink planes are fast enough though. When I got to Nairobi later and got to the city an hour or so afterwards, the freaking song was playing all over the music stores! I could not believe it. The annoying song had followed me. My balls shrunk and scoffed at me. I was doomed. And with that kind of luck, I am now fearing that the crows are not far behind.