And Man Then Said, Let there be PMS ...
Ladies, men did NOT create PMS. Am just plain tired of women behaving like men brought it home with the groceries and I equally cannot understand why men have to suffer for it. Its not like I sneezed and transmitted it to you! And for this reason they decide the broom is actually a great mode of transportation around the house coupled with evil thoughts. So I think its time men spoke out and drew the line. Though to do this, you have to make sure you are at a safe distance to avoid serious bodily harm.
Here are a few of the issues that I think need to be looked into.
1) The Long Face
For starters, I think the long face should go. Seriously. Because if you have been going through the cycle every month for more than a decade I believe you must have gotten used to the feeling so get rid of the freaking long face. Unless its a model pose you are practising for a photo-shoot. If people can afford to smile and make fun of being robbed just a few minutes after the incident, surely you can afford to drop the long face. Well, except if you literally have a long face. In which case you might need to consider comsetic surgery just so that we dont get confused.
2) Quit Your Job At CSI
Ladies at this time heighten their very annoying investigative ways. You hug her tighter than normal, you have something to explain. You get a phone call that goes on longer than two minutes and you ass is in the oven. What I think happens during PMS is that ladies drop their last names for Horatio. Yap. Him of CSI. My advice? Stop adopting Horatio's name and scrutinizing everything I do.
3) The Sang temper
The sand temper- where sang denotes short - should definately go because we do not cause PMS. Unlike what you may believe, ts a very natural occurence. We did not have a meeting in the bar with your hormones over the weekend and - as we made fun of Arsenal's woes - decide to ruin your life . Get mad at your hormones. Give them the long face and a little silent treatment for your woes. And talking of silent treatment ...
4) The Silent Treatment
Of course there is the silent treatment. You get home or wherever you are meeting her and she goes mute. You look around to hoping to see an evil guy holding a giant remote control with a giant mute button but of course there is no one.The only time I used to get that silence was when I was young when I wet my bed and then conveniently forgot to tell my mother about it. She then finds a wet bed in the evening and a house smelling like the neighborhood toilets were having a conference there. So unless I wet the bed and forgot to tell you, get rid of the silent treatment.
5) Answer my questions without drama
PMS fucks up women's memories I think. A question she would normally answer without hesitation becomes very difficult to answer to her. I dont know what happens really. You ask a question and soon comes a very long silence. Then comes very long answers that make you wonder why you asked the question.
He : Can you switch to NTV for the news?
She : (After a long silence) Kwani hii news ya KTN ni ya Uganda? Ama wanasoma na Kisomalia?
To which he pulls out a white flag and goes to sleep. Beaten. Knowing if he says another word, the real CSI will be picking pieces of him from the chandelier. And that will only happen if he is REALLY lucky.
So ladies, drop the broom and smile. Its not our fault.
