Visionless 2030

Posted November 24, 2011 by Crazy Nairobian in Humor Articles
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The government has announced that Vision 2030 will soon be renamed to a more fitting name. They are currently considering three names. LOL, LMAO and Who The Fcuk are we fooling?

The last one is the most appropriate one in my opinion.

If I was to be asked actually, I would say that we should fold the grand plans for vision 2030 and use the papers to wrap meat, mutura and those wheat products whose price has always been five bob despite the rising cost of living. Some copies of the document should also be distributed to people whose backsides are in a complicated relationship with tissue paper since they are in another relationship with Karatasi ya Unga ya Jogoo in toilet affairs. After all, there is no greater feeling than wiping your backside and then saying, ” Ladies and gentlemen, my shit is all over vision 2030!”

Selfish interests and never-ending wrangles in this country have for the longest time been like that crazy village relative who insists on retaining his village ways in an urban setting. And slowing development in the process. You take him to a classy restaurant and they tell you their fingers are better than the fork. You buy him pizza and he eats it like ugali and even asks for sukuma saucer. You pay for a taxi to take him around na bado anasema, “Shukisha rounda hapo kwa kibanda ya Mama Maiko.”

The kind of a person who wouldn't know progress if they rode next to it in the bus.

Rumors reaching me indicate that potential investors in Tatu City, an ultra-modern residential and commercial complex in the outskirts of Nairobi, are being put off by wrangles between shareholders in this project. So as people pull each other’s weaves and kick each other in unmentionables, the country stands to lose Ksh 450 billion in direct investment as the investors plan to put up a Disney-style complex at an estimated cost of US$ 4-5 billion (or Ksh 450 billion if you like) by a consortium of Arab and American investors.

That’s a biggie!

For those in the dark about Tatu city, (and I have to wonder where you have been) let me brief you.

Tatu City is an ultra-modern mini-city of its own. The multi-billion Tatu City project will cover over 1, 000 hectares (2, 400 acres) along the ultra-modern Thika Road near Ruiru. It will largely be made of commercial and residential houses poised to make a significant contribution to Kenya’s renewed urban growth. It’s also seen as being in-line Kenya’s Vision 2030, a government policy blueprint designed to make Kenya a middle-income state by the year 2030.

The city is modeled as a dynamic mixed-use environment that will be home to an estimated 62,000 residents and 23,000 day visitors, but as you would expect, the numbers are expected to rise should the consortium of Arab and American investors manage to build a Disney-style park and several casinos there.

The project is currently of course delayed as several issues need to be ironed out between shareholders (which I interpret as weave-pulling and ball kicking and every other fun activity found on utoto.com) and which I pray should be over and done with soon.

And if they don’t, they will cost this country a fortune. If any of them are reading this, I hope they look at the bigger picture and put the country's interests before their own. Ksh 450 billion is half our entire national budget just in case you don’t know and am sure such an investment would benefit this country now and in the future. If that amount of investment is lost, this country will have missed a significant step towards Vision 2030.

With wrangling putting off such an investment, we should just remove the word Vision from Vision 2030 because of the utter blindness of the people stopping it from happening.

And if that happens, forgive me for saying this but I think the entire population of this country should just line up and fart in the faces of people who caused the investors to pull out. This would make them realize firsthand how the stench of their wrangling made the country suffer.


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Crazy Nairobian
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Sanely Insane.


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