Oh Shit! 2012 is here ...
Am afraid for my life. I had promised one lady who goes by the name @CarolineSpencer that I’d write a smashing end of 2011 post and which I even drafted but due to unavoidable circumstances (read excessive intake of beer and clubbing) the post could not go online. And now (of course) it is time barred. I therefore have to hide from her for a while until she cools down, and which is pretty easy because all I have to do is stay away from Miraa Vendors and Kiraitu gatherings. Merus are the easiest to avoid I tell you.
Moving on swiftly … 2012 is here and that means the longest month of the year is here too; January. This is the month that tests the eating habits of Kenyans to the extreme. Having eaten livestock all through the festive season, it is now time for them to eat like livestock. Majani kama ng’ombe na grains kama kuku until the next pay day comes knocking.
That also means that meat will be a delicacy best experienced from the outer side of the butchery mirror or a gaze at naked chicken as they do a trip round the grill at those fast food joints that grill these poor chickens by inserting metal object through their rear. What kind of sick people are these that poke dead animals in the rear with metal objects anyway?
So what I expect 2012 to be about?
1) This will be a good year for adult diaper manufacturers. Demand for this commodity is expected to shoot up considering 2012 is an election year and that will definitely see politicians shit on themselves more frequently.
2) The music this year will be kicked into the abyss after being led to the door by Bachette in 2011. Politicians during election years get a very misguided idea that they are musicians and sing in front of masses of people and in the raping the ears of the local populace without lube in the process.
3) And still on politics, the stupidity theorem states that Stupidity remains a constant in every politician in office and remains constant until the prospect of losing his seat surfaces which causes it to increase exponentially towards infinity. This theorem will be proved again this year.
4) On matters football, this is the year I am avoiding any chest thumping of any sort. Just these past few days, Manchester United, Chelsea, Manchester City and Arsenal have been hammered by teams they would otherwise easily dismiss on a good day. So I will tread very carefully because the last time I checked, nothing causes a bigger indigestion problem than eating a football related humble pie.
5) On issues pertaining to the blogosphere, I plan to blog more and about more topics than just the usual crazy not-so-funny type of posts. The geek in me will finally get unleashed onto the blogosphere together with the not-so-good cook in me. Deaths resulting from following any of my recipes are expected and regretted in advance.
6) Matters financial, I will of course choose to improve this year. Getting broke will be changed from three days after my pay-check arrives to five days after my pay-check arrives. For this to happen though, I will have to sleep for two days after my pay-day.
7) A new organization has been created for all stupid people, stupid questions and inane remarks for 2012. The organization’s name is Mankind Against Tolerance Of Pumbavuosis ex
8) Am officially off the bottle for 2012. At least until I get my fitness back. My stomach has started behaving like those annoying kids that rush into a room before the owners get in. And before people start to wonder whose tummy just checked into the room after seconds before they can actually see the owner, the gym will be my friend.
9) I ran out of fucks last year so to all those who know and relate with me on any relations channel, forgive me if you don’t find me giving a fuck this year. Am all out.
10) Last but not least, I have to say HAPPY NEW YEAR to y’all and look forward to meeting with you in the blogosphere more this year. May blessings rain on you mpaka uchukue umbrella. Na sio ya Rihanna. If you do, the stuff raining on you won’t be blessings but blows from Chris Brown.
Have a prosperous and idiot-free 2012. And of course a financially-induced diet during this month of January ;-)