Bosses Bosses Bosses
Someone said that bosses are like diapers; always on your ass and mostly full of shit. I do not know how right or wrong they were but bosses are a part of everyone's life at one point or the other. We love them and hate them, mostly hate them. They come in different shapes and sizes. However, I decided to separate them into ten categories based on how they behave. The default is of course the good reasonable that does everything professionally and never lets personal feelings come in the way of his judgment. He is kind and also imaginary. Here are the rest...
1) Mr. Funny Guy
They were not funny in real life until they became bosses. They crack a joke and you better laugh. They make fun of employees and everyone takes it as a joke but donít dare return the favour. The reason you laugh is similar to why men laugh at jokes made a dumb cute girl with huge hooters except for one thing. You laugh at jokes of the girl hoping you will screw her whereas you laugh at the bosses jokes because if you donít, you are screwed.
2) The Banshee
He comes installed with the latest blaring horn like those on route 58 matatus. He is so loud that he can work as an alarm for waking people up in a different time zone. They like screaming at employees and woe unto you if yours comes installed with a saliva shower head for a mouth and bad breathe dispenser.
3) The Hooters man
This is a male boss that hires bimbos provided they have looks or large hooters. They are the kind that personifies the popular joke about bosses who, instead of giving you a job application form to fill in, they give you a size D bra. You fill that, you get the job.
4) The Petty Monster
This is the type of the boss that babies all employees. They'll give you thirty minutes to complete a task and call you after five minutes to check how far you are. They do a head count, audit calls made by employees and toilet visits. You cannot fart without them knowing. Donít be shocked if you fart and you hear the intercom buzzing and then something like, "Kimeu, Cut down on the garlic. You are suffocating people"
5) The Miguna Miguna
Their ego is bigger than Nyanza County and their intelligence is something you have to measure on a scale of 1 to Nyakemincha. These ones have huge offices that are mostly empty and the office is not the only empty thing they have. They are petty and they will fire you simply because you sneeze funny or because you wore the same color outfit as they did.
6) Special Branch Boss
If anything goes wrong in the office, he will find out whom, when and where. Nothing escapes his keen eye and if he catches you, you balls will be his breakfast.
7) Chips Funga General
When they want you to do something for them, they are the best bosses ever. You will get treats, raises and all the incentives you want. Woe unto you when they get what they want. You will get kicked out without a chance to even collect items from your desk.
8) The Ghost
You rarely see him or hear him talk. But when he appears, everyone is scared shitless. When he talks, the office will need to distribute adult diapers to all employees who will have shit on themselves in all colors of the rainbow.
9) The PMS rider
It goes across genders for this type. They have mood swings like you would not believe. Whatever fights happened at home are copy/pasted into the office environment. On these days, they simply hop on a nagcycle and ride your sorry ass to hell.
10) The Chief Vagina
This is a female boss who has a vendetta against all female co-workers. If you have a vagina, you are her enemy. She wants to be the chief vagina and all other vaginas must sing praises in her owner every time she coughs. This is brought about by lack of any sexual activities on her vagina to a point where it may require a city council license just to clean the cobwebs that have gathered there.
So what kind of a boss do you have?