Valentines and New Types Of Lovers ...
Valentines is around the corner and there is a hook-up frenzy going on. Cupid has also been spotted in the possession of crude weapons including bows and arrows and victims claim he is aiming straight for the heart. However, it has also been noted that lovers with specific charateristics are cropping up to take advantage of this season.
1) Okoa Jahazi Daters: These are those low lying people that wait on the sidelines wait for all your potentials dates to disappoint you so that they can come in and save the day. You however still have to request them and they have to check whether you "paid" them well the last time they saved the day.
If not, you will get the message, "Request failed. Please check if you have any pending favours that you have not honored and that you have called them at least once in the last year"
2) Wireless daters: These are the lovers who are mostly on and off at this time. You have to really struggle to get some reception from them and when you do, its slow and unreliable. These ones are mainly players who are afraid of getting caught.
3) Blue-tooth daters: Also known as long distance relationship daters. They service your valentines day without direct contact. They are pretty generous with their talk time and can call you for an hour on the day.
4) Sambaza daters: Your boy/gal has someone extra who is hot on their heels and they figure the only way to get rid of them is to hook you up! And you soon get a message, "You have received one free date for Valentines from 0721987654. Your date balance is now one and expires on 14/03/2011"
5) Orange Network dater: You know they exist, but you dont want them. They thus result in never ending requests to entice you to date them. But you know the only reason that you would date them is if everyone else is dead or not available.
6) Airtel dater: This one is not good for competition as far as other suitors are concerned but the targeted individual will benefit immensely. They will put deals on the table that you know the rest simply cannot match and offer more whenever the rest try to copy. Chances are high you will VUKA to their side.
7) Safaricom Dater: This one is also called Husband/Wife. Poor at service, poor at listening to your issues, poor financial incentives but somehow, you still stick to them and you know you have no choice. You will also criticize him repeatedly and even when you seek greener pastures, you always keep them close by.
8) Real Broadband Lovers: Truly expensive these ones, and mostly female. Everyone wants them but only few can afford them. Being with them is great and you show them off to your friends everytime. Until you see the bill at the end of the month and faint.
9) Ocampo Daters: They are after people who have hurt others and are definately out to teach you a lesson. If you are on their list, you definately were a mastermind of Post Erection Violence.
So what kind of dater are you this Valentines' Season?
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