Hook up services. Truths or half truths...

Posted February 10, 2011 by Crazy Nairobian in Humor Articles
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They are everywhere. Newspapers, magazines, internet and even on mobiles phone services. Am talking about hook-up services. It seems the business of human brokerage is becoming a really lucrative sector nowadays. Helping two people meet and hopefully walk down the aisle and then spend the rest of their lives making life difficult for each other.

I have ZERO problem with all of that. Not at all. If people make money brokering romance, let them. My problem lies in the adverts and lineages that people put up in those lonely hearts columns. Have you ever realized how each of the people there have all those wonderful traits that everyone is looking for in a mate? Like, "Am an absolutely gorgeous, God-fearing, honest, caring, hardworking and romantic 28 year old lady, looking for a financially stable man for a romantic relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage" and blah blah blah... yet they are still single!

My question for example in this case is, if you are 28 and you got all those glorious qualities, how come nobody ever noticed? Have you been asleep for 28 years? Or maybe you walk with around with a tent around you. And who told you that you are absolutely gorgeous if you have to advertise to get a partner. Maybe the only time we can describe you as beautiful is if we are talking in the comparison to all members of the animal Kingdom.

And I love the way men start with, "I am a 30 year old man, financially stable, loving and faithful ..." Lets stop there actually so that I can pose this question. What exactly do people mean when they say financially stable? According to the dictionary, stable is a near-constant state. Meaning if you are constantly in debt, you are financially stable. Ditto for people who are constantly broke.

Oh! And another thing. No man can describe himself as faithful. You can only use the terms faithful-so-far, never-been-caught, never-had-the-chance, my-wife-is-conje, am-saved (this one is however not always true OR applicable), micro-penis-stops-me, too-shy-for-my-own-good, impotence-forced-faithfulness and so on and so forth. But not faithful. Yet all these men who post ads on these columns always say they are "faithful" without expounding why.

So you see why I have a problem with these hook up services. The only circumstance that can make me write such an advert on a lonely hearts column or other hook up service is if men and women are created like lock and key. And of course the system is made such that one key can only fit one lock and I cant find a lock that fits my key! Or better yet, if people with locks cannot find fitting keys ... and I have a master key!
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Crazy Nairobian
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Sanely Insane.


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