Sleep's a lady, and am her bitch
My sleeping patterns have been a little zigzag of late, and I am talking a zigzag like the one I used to draw in nursery school. You see, while I am quite good at drawing now, I was absolutely pathetic at a young age; the kind of bad that draws a circle with a ruler. I was the kind of kid who went home with a circle to colour and came back the next day with a shape that looked like a cross between a drunken square and a stoned oval.
My sleep is a bitch. When I am awake and going about my busy daytime schedule, she sits down in my balcony smoking a joint and sipping expensive wine all day thinking up ways to make me miserable during the night. SHE KNOWS I cannot resist her so my efforts for the same are always futile. Lately though, I had started thinking that I had crammed her pattern. Really simple it seemed. Come down heavy on me all week and ensure I got to work late every day, and then consistently disappear very early on weekends. I think she goes clubbing in the wee hours on Saturday and Sunday morning coz I don’t know where else she'd go.
That has however changed.
Things have taken a turn for the worse because I am now not only losing sleep early on weekends but even on weekdays. Like this morning, I opened my eyes and it was like sleep had just disappeared. I felt way too fresh to think it was anything earlier than 6:30 am. No drowsiness, no tiredness, nothing. I picked my phone; 4:30 am. I was stunned. Where the fuck did that bitch by the name Sleep disappear to? I listened. It was way too quiet outside. The only thing I could hear was that bitch, Sleep, laughing as she exited the bedroom with her middle finger raised high. The bitch. I turned to twitter for consolation. The timeline was crawling as it yawned along in boredom at very slow speeds. Dammit, I decided to get up. I felt a little hungry so I figured I can get me some breakfast.
I got out of bed, slipped into some clothes and socks, and headed to the fridge to fetch something to nibble on. I opened the fridge door and, as someone pointed out, we are at that time of the month when the fridge shows you a finger whenever you open the door because you forgot to stock it. I looked closely to see whether anything just past edible was available. There was close to nothing. Popcorn, a rock hard chapati that would seriously ruin your dental formula and a piece of seriously wrinkled ball pepper. That was all there was in there. And lemons which I obviously get enough of from the other bitch called life so that was a no. This was turning into a nightmare - hungry and sleepless at 4:30 in the morning with nothing edible in the house.
That is when I decided to get some work done. A few projects were pending and this was good time to have that done.
I headed to the study that doubles up as the guest room - and by guest room I mean the room where I dump all the dirty clothes, shoes, empty cartoons and stuff like that so that non-boarding guests can think the rest of the house is neat. And then frantically stuff them into the closet when boarding guests arrive to reveal a bed under the rubble.
Moving on …
I sat down next to some desk that I – thinking that carpentry is an easy art – decided to make myself. My carpentry skills at present suck more than my drawing skills when I was younger so I have to sit in an awkward angle because there are a few pieces that are in the wrong place. Ummh, make that a lot of pieces. Luckily, I managed to get quite some work done by the time the hour hand started flirting with the number six. Morning well spent. Now I could get ready and head to the office having finally accomplished something during this God-forsaken morning. I went back to the bedroom to hastily make the bed. I wanted to leave the house at six thirty. Once done, I sat down to take off my socks to get ready to hit the shower. That’s when I realized there was someone standing at the bedroom door. I looked up and standing there, in an irresistible silk nightdress was my sleep looking all sexy. I wanted her. She knew it. She was smiling and waving at me. She wanted me too. I tried to resist because I would get late but the bitch was all over me in no time.
I gave in.
I woke up an hour later, late of course. She had screwed me to her fill and I did little to resist. As I rushed to the shower cursing her, I could hear her laughter echoing in the kitchen as she headed to the balcony to smoke another joint. She had won. So she decided to do what she does best. Sit there and plot on more ways to make me miserable. I hate that bitch!