Dating Rules? For men? Ha ha ha ...
There is this mail doing the rounds about dating rules for men and they are really harsh towards guys. Well, I propose that we follow them but I have added my interpretations below each.
1. Call....
:: Thats not so hard. We do it twice a year. Day before valentines to say we are sorry we wont make it and day after your birthday to say we are sorry we didn't make it
2. Don't lie....
:: We don't. We call it deliberate but necessary misinformation. Its easier to say I was stuck in the office than I was stuck in Jane
3. Never tape any of her body parts together....
::Unless of course I cant understand what she says ... which is most of the time
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls....
:: We do invite girls. Strippers are girls.
5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting....
::We wont pet. Promise :-)
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."...
:: Of course... unless you ARE fat. The Bible says dont lie. I fear God more than you.
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"...
:: Ditto for comment above
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. ...
:: Hooray! My porn collection wasnt mentioned
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad....
:: We do that?
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad....
:: But I heard stalkers are the most attentive. Collision of interests?
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Little Woman", and "Bitch" are bad. ...
:: "Dog", "Bastard", "Loser" are bad too.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony. ...
:: U slap me I slap u!
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question....
:: But again, what is?
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in any other way big or small....
:: Ok then! You are bigger than all of them combined. Happier?
15. Her cooking is excellent....
:: But remember food poisoning hurts!
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking....
:: When she is not in the house
17. Dish soap is your friend....
:: Of course! But I dont touch my friends the way you touch dish soap!
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean....I
:: In English please?
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay....
:: Wow! Thats a good thing. Lets just skip the dinner
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation....
:: Hey! You told me John is nobody to you! I have my nobody's too
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?" ...
:: Damn! I never know how to escape that one!
22. Two words: clean socks....
:: Two word. Wash them!
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk....
:: I know that! But most women dont so keep it down!
24. Burping is not sexy....
:: Especially when you do it!
25. You're wrong....
:: Of course. But dont wait for me to say so
26. You're sorry....
:: Of course. But dont wait for me to say so
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is....
:: Thats the price you pay for the lift my dear!
28. Ditto for your discourse on football....
:: Then get out of the living room.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound....
:: How in the world did you know sports-speak? Did Alejandro start playing?
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad....
:: Different routes leading to the same destination!
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood. ...
:: But u insinuate it!
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist....
:: See!
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice....
:: Which is why I choose my own answers. They are easier to understand.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue....
:: GROSS!
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11 p.m....
:: Most of the time she doesnt tell me so why bother!
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive....
:: Hard words scare me. Lets avoid them!
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it....
:: Pick up my laundry. Dont whine about it either. Just do it!
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you....
:: But it always works!
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't....
:: The end justifies the means. I normally say I was lying after the night!
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often....
:: Define often!
41. Always, always suck up to her brother....
:: Oh yes! The asshole. Then always suck up to my sister. And she is not a witch!
42. Think boxers....
:: Think!
43. Silk boxers....
:: Silly thoughts
44. Remember her birthday, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names....
:: I remember it most of the time. Only a day too late.
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses....
:: ... and dont try to change the way I dress!
46. Her haircut is never bad....
:: If she was a guy!
47. Don't let your friends pick on her....
:: Unless she picks on them first!
48. Call....
:: Who?
49. Don't lie....
:: I will remember this one. Oh, and am not lying about it!
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything....
:: Do I hear an Amen?
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