Medical Specializations And Their Daffynitions
Being a medical student is a 'jack of all trades and master of none' affair. It really leaves me at a loss of where I would like to go after the next three years of clerkship and hard labor. But that’s far off, for now; let me share what I sometimes think of some of these professions whenever my mind wanders:
Mortician/ Pathologist
Male: Either you are a weirdo, or you just get the kicks out of telling people, 'OK, we'll still meet: sooner or later'.
Female: Seriously lady, get a life. (I mean that literally too)
Proctologist
The ass kissing you did in med school, it wasn’t meant to be a profession.
Psychiatrist
Me: Hey, so what is your job like?
Answer: Well, I just sit all day, listen to people say their problems, observe their behavior and confirm they are insane
Me: Really, that’s all?
Answer: Yes, that’s all I do.
Me: Erm, I think you need to see a psychiatrist.
Gynecologist
Young male gynecologist: You pervert!
Older male gynecologist: Yeah, I know you have saved many damsels in distress. Still, you pervert!
Female gynecologist: Girl power; way to go lady, way to go!
Urologist
Male urologist (age regardless): Bro dude, you either have balls of titanium (three balls to be exact) or I am asking questions about your position on the sexual fence.
Female urologist: Well, well, well, what have we here? For one reason or another, I am cocksure (that's an English phrase) you never lack patients. In other news, way to go ma'am, way to go!
Orthopedics
You sadist, all you do is wait for accidents to happen.
Geriatrics
Roses are red, violets are blue, the patients are old, the job is too.
Obstetrics
I bet you never have Monday blues; all you do is witness and facilitate miracles for a living.
Neurologist/ Neurosurgeon
Until the day you find the cure for stupidity, whatever your job entails will never really equate the number of years you spend in medical school.
Cardiologist
We mend broken hearts; more so hearts full of cholesterol.
Cosmetic surgeon
The barbie doll industry has gone life-size at last. Using a blade to draw curves and conjure smiles, totally awesome job. Yeah; even the part you ensure ladies no longer have a birds eye view of their feet.
Oncologist
Either your sense of optimism is enough to move mountains (read tumors), or you and the hearse driver have a lot in common.
Lastly, Kenyan General Practitioner
The Game to Dr. Dre: 'Yo Dre, I see debt people.'
