How Arsenal Can Beat Barca (And Messi) ...
The last time Arsenal played Barcelona, they scored the first goal and Messi got annoyed. So much so that he single-handledly obliterated them by scoring four goals on his own. The two teams meet again today and I want to advice Arsenal how to beat Barcelona. Or Messi in this case.
Thus the big question is, how do they have beat Barcelona? (Or Messi in this case)
1) Before the Match, the should force Messi to have a sex change and insist he wears a dress and stilletos to the field.
2) Beans! Eat a lot of beans. That would give them enough gas to last the whole match so that whenever Barca players try to get the ball from them, they can fart and deter them.
3) Play without the goal area. Yes. The goal posts and net and lines. That would increase their chance of winning by at least 5%.
4) Have six players sorround Messi and ensure he does not get out of the make-shift jail. If he cant get the ball, he cant score.
5) Park a bus in front of the goal. Literary. And weld iron sheets on the windows.
6) If all they want to do is beat them, they should carry clubs, sticks and all manner of crude weapons and TRULY beat them up.
7) Considering Messi single handedly obliterated Arsenal last time out, they should complain to FIFA and be allowed to field the first team, the reserve team, 10% of the fans and the entire technical bench in ANY game that Messi plays against them.
8) Girls. Yes. Have beautiful girls as defenders. We all know men cant run leave alone hit a ball when they have an Erection!
9) Kill Messi. Yes, I know. Its a little extreme. But hey, you guys want to win dont you? And am almost certain there is about a 50% chance that he cannot score goals if he is dead.
10) Before the match begins, all Arsenal players should fall on their knees and start praying. They know he WILL score goals. So they should pray hard and long for God to touch Messi's heart and make him score own goals!
Have a lovely day gunners, wont you? And you may also want to include Makmende on your team.