If weaves could talk, They'd say ...
Am tired of being a weave; of being called the suicide bomber of bedroom romance or an over-insistent pet that perches on people's heads. Am tired of getting blank stares from people and being blamed for stinking yet its all my owners fault.
Its a hard life being a weave. When I was new I looked so good, although some men still gave me the creepy I-know-you-are-fake look. Now that am old, the neighbors dog keeps barking at me thinking am a stray cat pitching tent on some poor lady's head. Or a stuffed-animal that doesn't want to be left at home. And all this because I want to make some lady look better than she does with her real hair ! I try so hard to achieve this and this is a task I almost succeed in by the way because I almost look natural. But you know what they say about almost. It only counts in horseshoes and flinging shit from a shovel.
You know taking care of me is such a simply task yet most women assume am big enough to take care of myself. So in just a few days, I start looking like a waterfall of ugly mop-heads flying over a poor lady's head. All they need to do is go to the beauty shop for an hour every weekend for me to get some attention and am good to go. But you have to wait for a whole month. Not to mention my worst nightmare. Rain. Rain and I are in a complicated relationship. To me, rain gives me a hair raising experience. Literary. And I also get blamed of stinking. Let me however explain myself. People assume I smell when I get rained on but remember two things. Rain water has no smell and New weaves dont smell. It must be my owners real hair stinking after being enclosed under the weave for a month in the sweat paradise called my owner's head!
I know if hair weaves were to become extinct, most of you men would be really happy am sure. But thats when you would realize how many balding women we have out there. And how many have hair that gives a comb the creeps. Hair so hard you'd have to oil it to make it at least as soft as steelwool. I therefore DEMAND that all women who cant take good care of me to avoid me from now on if you dont want me to seriously embarrass you because I WILL. Let me stay on the shelves of supermarkets and beauty shops where no one calls me fake or smelly. And I dont get to grow old or face your neighbor's dog!