I Think Am Pregnant ...
I seriously think I am pregnant. There is increased activity in my mid-section and my stomach has bulged a bit. However, everytime I think am pregnant, I stand naked in front of the mirror and think, NAAAH! Its not possible. The two jewels staring back at me are enough evidence that I dont have that capacity. Not unless we evolve and men start sitting on their balls to hatch into little manlings like chicken do with eggs. Plus, there is something else between the jewels that isnt exactly fit for the act of giving birth. Unless of course the baby wants to swing into this world like tarzan- if you catch my drift.
Speaking of which, if men were to actually get pregnant, the entire world would change in a second. And am not talking about the expectant men in parliament and most board rooms. No, I am talking about getting an actual earthling taking up tenancy in your body for nine months, feeding it, protecting it and giving up on all the beer and smokes. And after all those sacrifices, instead of coming out and saying thank you, the first thing the damn thing does when it comes out is scream like a banshee. Then, when they get to teen-age, they walk up to you and say unprintable words to your face ... but that is a topic for another day.
Back to my alleged pregnancy, am having signs that make me suspect I am. Most of them I can get rid of to kill that notion that am pregnant. But one I cannot kill. The ones I can kill are the most obvious ones. First of all, I sleep alot and still wake up tired and sleepy (but dont we all). And then there is the frequent visits to the urinal (I should stop drinking for this to stop) and the slight bulge on my tummy (the morning exercise is taking care of this bit). There is also the tiredness and laziness (according to my boss) which is a frequent character trait among employed people therefore that doesn't worry me much. After all, if you are employed and reading my blog on company time, you are pretty much pregnant too.
And thats about it for the signs that I know I can get rid of.
The difficult one to kill in my case is nausea. We all know pregnancy causes nausea. Well, I have been getting alot of that lately. And just like in pregnancy, mine has a trigger. Everytime I see a politician I feel like vomiting. And its because of what they do to our country everyday. I know they say they have our best interests at heart but remember what PJ O'Rourke said. Politicians are interested in people and this is not always a virtue when you consider fleas are also interested in dogs. And with the current crop of leaders we have, am going to be feeling pregnant for a long time.